so i think things have gotten worse.

well, with cappy.
i dont know.
he explained to me last night (well whatever, it was like 2am and now it's 7am and i've had one our of sleep) that his heart is constantly on and off. like tonight at the movies he was like "wow i'm really in love with this girl" and then other times he questions it.
and i don't know if i wanna be in a relationship where he's questioning us.
but he's got a lot to handle right now between senior year and colleges and scouts and his friends and me.
so i kind of understand.
and we both understand that while we both want this to last forever & getting married and all that shit would be awesome, it's highly, highly unlikely.
but i still want it to happen.
but i'm still preparing myself for the worse.

and he said that he wanted to give us time, before. like how i told most of you guys.
he explained that he was planning on giving about a month. it's only been 2 weeks.
while we were on the phone last night he suggested we break up but we talked about it and we decided that we're giving it more time (i think).
i mean, we made improvement from 2 weeks ago.
i'm just really scared that this is all the improvement we can make.
but i hope to god it's not.

and i told him that i know we could be friends.
and he explained that Lisa (one of our good friends) broke up with a guy, they hated each other for a while, and now they're best friends.
he said he know that'll happen to us.
so that's a plus.
i don't think i could live without him in my life, friend or boyfriend.

my head is preparing me for the worst but my heart is just wanting this to all be okay.
it's just really really fucking difficult.
and it hurts so fucking much.

Holy shit holy shit I just realised that's you in the OP mask.

BUT ON A MORE RELATED NOTE.
K so I'm completely out of the loop and have no clue as to what's going on. But I'm gonna try and help anyway.
I think that the fact that you are able to talk to him about things like that so calmly answers your question as to how it's going. It seems to me like you both really care about each other and it's not anything to do with you; stress does things to people. Whether he'll admit it or not, it sounds like he's stressed out, and that's going to make him question everything in his life, even what he's sure of, like his feelings for you. I'm severely stressed at the minute and am questioning everything, including how much my friends care about me - even the one that I told I was feeling really down and upset, and an hour later she was on my doorstep. But I digress. My point is that when you're stressed you're gonna fight with yourself over so many things and you'll never be sure of anything.

The best thing you can do right now is be there for him, whenever he needs it, and don't you start stressing or freaking out, that's just going to make things worse. Stay strong, Allie, and just give it some time. You both have no desire to be apart completely, obviously, I promise you there's nothing to worry about. Try and take your mind off of relationship stuff, and try to keep his mind off it as well. I can almost guarantee you things will work out the way you want them to, you just need to work for it.