Another rant, but this time, with reason

So yeah I haven't talk to you guys in a while.. A shitload of drama has been going on, and I feel as though an important chunk of my life just collapsed.

You all know how I used to ramble on about sabers and Saber Team, right? Many of you probably didn't care, but it's actually pretty important to me. It was my "sport". My outside activity. The first team I had been on since 5th grade basketball. And you know what? I loved it. With all my soul. It was so much fun and interesting and unique to me. I honestly felt like a badass doing it. I couldn't imagine doing anything else. In fact, I wanted to be in charge of the whole thing next year. I loved finally being the teacher and taking the freshmen under my wing. It was great.

...There's a reason I'm using past tense for this. If I was still on the team, it would be present :B

Yeah, that's right, I got kicked off. Why? Apparently I "look down upon myself" too much and it affects my already bad performance.

How does this make me feel? Tri-fucking-polar. I'm split into three on the whole thing. Three sides are telling me to do random shit.

The first: beg Bryan (the commander) to go back on team

The second: quietly suffer and accept my fate (which I'm doing)

The third: Move on. I am trying to do this, but it's not working!

Now, I guess I may be bad, but look at things from my point of view and understand why I'm bothered so much. I've spent one, more or less hours, EVERY FUCKING DAY OF THE SCHOOL YEAR PLUS SOME WEEKENDS/VACATIONS practicing for this team. I performed with them, won competitions with them, befriended them (at least that's what I thought).

Now all of that time? WASTED. I have nothing but fond memories, and I get depressed wishing I would go back to last year, because it was the best. I had so much fun.

Now that I'm a fucking junior, over half my life is dedicated to school work. Saber Team wasn't like a 7th period in the day, it was more like.. well, a fun stress reliever for me.

AND NOW IT'S GONE. ALL GONE! LAST LAST MONDAY AND TUESDAY WERE THE WORST DAYS OF MY LIFE. I COULDN'T SLEEP. I COULDN'T EAT. YES, IT'S STUPID TO FEEL THIS WAY OVER JUST A TEAM

...but it was MY team. I didn't want to do anything else. All that happiness and excitement? Gone. Shattered into pieces. In just one day. It was the last thing I expected. The very last.

The first week was depressing. I cried every night about it. Thank God my friends and mom were so supportive. I know most argued in my favor, even though it didn't do anything..

This week, I've been still kind of getting like that. Just.. thinking. And being sad. It's like I can't help but remember. I see my Saber Team shirt, my team uniform, the accessories on the normal uniform, my practice saber... And I see the team. Looking at them just sends waves of sadness and anger. I'm hurt. Torn.

This doesn't mean I'm not trying to recover. Trust me, I am. I'm an alternate for a new team, Unarmed. We don't use weapons, we do more like..

Well it's hard to explain without it sounding stupid, but we slap our thighs and stomp to certain beats etc. It's more intense than it sounds.

Here's a vid from a competition last year https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hqR1BAK6BbM

Still like.. it's just not the same. I'm really trying to get over my loss, but it's proving difficult. One can only hope...




So, yeah, my new life in a nutshell. This is a VERY sensitive subject to me, so I would appreciate it if you didn't make any rude comments or anything. Yeah, I know, life can be worse. But hey, this is the ranting section, what else can I do? My life just spun around 180 degrees, and I'm having a hard time adjusting. Just gotta keep trying...


TLDR: Junior year sucks, saber team sucks, school sucks, everything sucks.


At the moment I'm trying to upload a video of my last saber performance. Going slowly.

D: I'm so sorry Taylor. :(

What the fuck do they mean you look down on yourself?

Oozing Anus wrote:

D: I'm so sorry Taylor. :(

What the fuck do they mean you look down on yourself?

Seconded.
The ROTC team here doesn't do that.
They only kick you off if you're a disruption or if you have below a 2.0 GPA.

"Looking down on yourself" is not a valid reason to get kicked off.
Take that shit to the principal or something and get an actual reason.

I read about it in facebook and it really did seem like it was very important.
I'm sorry to hear this, Tay :c

But really, why not try and ask for another chance to prove to them that you can be in the team?
I don't think you have much to lose with just trying. Perform your best and leave them FUCKING SPEECHLESS.
I agree with Ro and Dan, "looking down on yourself" isn't a valid reason to kick you out of a team.
Honestly, if it's something you love you should fight for it until the very end.
....That sounds extremely corny, but it's true.
I really hope you can do something about it.

Shit happens. I think it'd be best to move on. You don't have to take my advice, but honestly, if I begged someone to let me back into something I'd feel like some loser who bitches about not getting their way (Only real way I can explain it, not trying to offend).

But I can totally sympathize. For years up until I started high school I played soccer and loved it but I stopped because I always thought I was terrible at it.

But really, its not the end of the world. Its not like you can't still be friends with the people in it and whatnot. And on the bright side, you can always try out something new and you might fall in love with that like you did with ROTC.

....looking down on yourself?
what the fuck kind of reason is that?
it's human nature to do that shit, they shouldn't kick you off for it.
even if your preformance actually is bad, how the hell do they know that's the actual reason?
they kicked you off for some other reason. that's just pure bullshit.
take this issue to the school principle or something. seriously.

Looking down upon myself: I'm bad, and I know it, so it makes me even more bad. I agree that's.. ugh. I'm not really happy with the "fair warning" I got.

..What fair warning?

Nobody ever told me I that THAAAAAAAAAAAT bad. Like, I knew I had flaws. Of course I wanted to fix them. But the day I got cut I was told that I didn't pay attention to detail, I kept making too many mistakes, and I had this negative attitude towards myself that made me, well, terrible and unworthy of the team.

Has ANYONE told me this before? No. Like, they would tell me what I was doing wrong. I actually wanted to perfect myself so I encouraged critique, and I told them that a while before this whole thing. Never really got anything.

Then it's like this suddenly happens. Again, I was LEAST expecting it, because I didn't know I was apparently at the level of a beginner. Yeah, they told me that some of the freshmen we were teaching have already surpassed me. It's like wtf...

Terrible skills and a terrible attitude. I never knew I had them. Or rather, I probably was aware of the latter, but I had no idea it was that extreme.

One of the many reasons I'm disappointed is because I never got a warning. It IS bullshit. I actually had mentioned that I had no idea I had such problems. The response was "Well, -insert someone completely unrelated- told me that last year's commander had warned you last year."

...WHAT. I don't even.. WHAT?? I do not remember a conversation like that. How does this person know that, and I don't?

Oy I can go on for hours how I'm pissed off at that whole thing.. That's why it was quite a bomb dropped on me. Never saw it coming.

i don't think you're bad if you were put in charge of teaching freshmen

Sure is drama.
Nukes going off, family being murdered, friends being tortured. All while making you watch.

CHIKACHIKA slim shady wrote:

....looking down on yourself?
what the fuck kind of reason is that?
it's human nature to do that shit, they shouldn't kick you off for it.
even if your preformance actually is bad, how the hell do they know that's the actual reason?
they kicked you off for some other reason. that's just pure bullshit.
take this issue to the school principle or something. seriously.

this.

i guess you could practice more in your spare time now and try to better yourself, but i don't think you were bad. you just can't give them a reason to rip on you for anything.
if all else fails, move on i guess. but i'm sorry you got kicked off. i can't relate since i never actually joined athletic extracirricular activites, but i know how it feels to be excluded (and anyone who does not is a liar :U ).
and if that doesn't work out, then...
start your own team and kick their ass.

i've never been excluded from anything before how dare you call me a liar vix

i agree with you tay.
they should've at least warned you first, then maybe you could've done something about it.
but HELL no. they kicked you off right off the bat.
there had to be some other reason for them kicking you off, and they're just not telling you.
this is just. utter bull.
i wouldn't wipe my ass with it.

regardless of the reason it's complete and utter bullshit that they kicked you off with no prior warning. i would seriously consider talking to someone in higher power about this