UGH I'm SOOOOO fucking CONFUSED

Yeah, so yesterday. I told Erin I'd pick her up from school, so I
could give her her stuff back and so that she could meet my aunt who is
on her way from Florida to Boston. Well I pick her up, and from habit I
started rubbing her leg. She moved away and I said I was sorry because I
realized what I was doing. So anyways, we got to IHOP to wait her my
aunt to get there, and Erin remembered she had to tell her mom
something, and her mom works at David's Bridal right beside IHOP, so I
decided I'd go with her.... BAD IDEA. You see, before the break, we were
engaged, so yeah.... When we got out of the store I burst into tears.
And she starts hugging me saying, "Shhh, I'm sorry it'll be fine, I
still love you, I just can't do this right now. I'll give you this much,
unless I'm with someone else you can hug me like this, and kiss me,
just not a lot on my face a definitely not on the lips." After I
finished crying we walked back over to IHOP, and the whole time we were
in there, things were like when we were together x10. I enjoyed it, but
it hurt me a lot because I wanted everything back. After that we were
driving to my house to pick up her stuff that she'd let me borrow a long
time ago. Well we got into the house and we were home alone, and I just
lost it again. I was all over the floor crying. I couldn't stand up.
Well after I got to the point to where I could stand, she was hugging me
in the hallway and kissed me on the lips.... We made out for a little
while. And it felt good, but horrible knowing she wasn't mine. Well the
day goes by, we went to my parent's house in Hazel Green (I live with my
grandparents out in Harvest) But we went out there for supper. I ended
up falling asleep on her shoulder on the couch. Next thing we're
outside. She hugs me because I'm crying, but we get the airsoft gun out
because she wanted to shoot some cans. After it ran out of the plastic
bb's we had my little brother try to find them. And she started hugging
me again. And I started kissing her neck, because something told me she
wanted it.... And she started getting turned on, so I tried to pull
away, but she buried her had into my shoulder more. Then I asked, "Do
you really love me?" She shook her head yes. "Do you miss me doing
this?" Her head nodded yes again. Then I asked, "Do you miss me?" And I
burst crying again from her reaction. She had hugged me so hard that I
was defenseless, I couldn't help but cry, and she nodded yes and kissed
me on my forehead. After supper we had desert, and while I was grabbing
her desert bowl, she grabbed my face a kissed me. When I took her home, I
asked her why she kissed me... She said "Because that's the last one."
I really don't know what to do. I'm so in love with her. I don't want
to loose her, but I know if I pressure her to get back with me she will
never want me back. I've tried flirting with other girls. I've tried
kissing another girl. Every time I feel sick to my stomach.... I want
Erin back, she was my world. She's still my best friend, but I want her
back to my girlfriend..... The way I feel right now, if I can't get her I
may go the complete opposite direction

Oh, on another note. my laptop screen BROKE