POST YOOR FUCKED UP CHRISTMAS CAROLS HEER

Subject: POST YOOR FUCKED UP CHRISTMAS CAROLS HEER Thu Dec 25, 2008 4:02 am

I'll start you off:
'Twas the Night before Christmas, And Santa's Pissed

Twas the night before Christmas
old Santa was pissed,
He cussd out the elves
and threw down his list.

Miserable little brats,
Ungrateful little jerks.
I have a good mind,
To scrap the whole works.

I've busted my ass
for damn near a year
Instead of "Thanks Santa" what do I hear..

The old lady bitches
cause I work late at night
the elves want more money
And the reindeer all fight.

Rudolph got drunk
and goosed all the maids.
Donner is Pregnant
Vixon has AIDS

And just when I thought
That things would get better,
The IRS,
They sent me a letter.

They say I owe taxes,
If that aint damn funny..
Who the hell ever
Sent Santa any money?

And the kids these days,
They all are the pits.
They want the impossible,
Those mean little shits.

I spent a whole year
Making wagons and sleds
with no request for them
They want computers and Robots,
They think I am IBM

If you think that is bad
Picture this..
Try holding those brats
with their pants full of piss.

They pull on my nose,
They grab at my beard
And if I don't smile,
The parents think I'm weird

Flying through the air,
Dodging the trees.
Falling down chimneys
And skinning my knees.

I quit this job,
There is just no enjoyment
I'm going to sit on my fat ass
And collect unemployment

There is NO Christmas this year
Now you know the reason
I found me a blonde
and heading SOUTH for the season....

http://people.cornell.edu/pages/bs16/Jokes-christmas.html
THERE'RE SOME GOOD ONES.

Subject: Re: POST YOOR FUCKED UP CHRISTMAS CAROLS HEER Thu Dec 25, 2008 4:18 am

Down in the workshop all the elves were makin' toys
For the good Gentile girls and the good Gentile boys
When the boss busted in, nearly scared 'em half to death
Had a rifle in his hands and cheap whiskey on his breath
From his beard to his boots he was covered with ammo
Like a big fat drunk disgruntled Yuletide Rambo
And he smiled as he said with a twinkle in his eye,
"Merry Christmas to all - now you're all gonna die!"

The night Santa went crazy
The night St. Nick went insane
Realized he'd been gettin' a raw deal
Something finally must have snapped in his brain

Well, the workshop is gone now, he decided to bomb it
Everywhere you'll find pieces of Cupid and Comet
And he tied up his helpers and he held the elves hostage
And he ground up poor Rudolph into reindeer sausage
He got Dancer and Prancer with an old German Luger
And he slashed up Dasher just like Freddy Krueger
And he picked up a flamethrower and he barbequed Blitzen
And he took a big bite and said, "It tastes just like chicken!"

The night Santa went crazy
The night Kris Kringle went nuts
Now you can't hardly walk around the North Pole
Without steppin' in reindeer guts

There's the National Guard and the F.B.I.
There's a van from the Eyewitness News
And helicopters circlin' 'round in the sky
And the bullets are flyin', the body count's risin'
And everyone's dyin' to know, oh Santa, why?
My my my my my my
You used to be such a jolly guy

Yes, Virginia, now Santa's doin' time
In a federal prison for his infamous crime
Hey, little friend, now don't you cry no more tears
He'll be out with good behavior in 700 more years
But now Vixen's in therapy and Donner's still nervous
And the elves all got jobs working for the postal service
And they say Mrs. Clause, she's on the phone every night
With her lawyer negotiating the movie rights

They're talkin' bout - the night Santa went crazy
The night St. Nicholas flipped
Broke his back for some milk and cookies
Sounds to me like he was tired of gettin' gypped

Wo, the night Santa went crazy
The night St. Nick went insane
Realized he's gettin' a raw deal
Something finally must have snapped in his brain
Wo, something finally must have snapped in his brain
Tell ya, something finally must have snapped... in his brain

WIERD AL FTW

Subject: Re: POST YOOR FUCKED UP CHRISTMAS CAROLS HEER Thu Dec 25, 2008 4:52 am

JINGLE BELLS
JINGLE BELLS
JINGLE ALL THE...
OH, FUCK THIS!

Guest

Don't hear, don't deem
Drowning before you dive
Don't care, commit
To your self destruction drive
I kiss the ground
With love beyond forever
Flip off the sky
With bleeding fingers till I die

Enemy, take one good look at me
eradicate what you will always be
Tainted flesh, polluted soul
Through a mirror I behold
Throw a punch
Shards bleed on the floor
Tearing me apart but
I don't care anymore
Should I regret or ask myself
Are you dead yet?

Wake up, don't cry
Regenerate to deny
The truth, the fiction
You live in blindfold on your eyes
Disclosure, self loathing
This time you've gone too far
Or could it be my nemesis
That you're me?

Enemy, take one good look at me
eradicate what you will always be
Tainted flesh, polluted soul
Through a mirror I behold
Throw a punch
Shards bleed on the floor
Tearing me apart but
I don't care anymore
Should I regret or ask myself
Are you dead yet?

Enemy, take one good look at me
eradicate what you will always be
Tainted flesh, polluted soul
Through a mirror I behold
Throw a punch
Shards bleed on the floor
Tearing me apart but
I don't care anymore
Should I regret or ask myself
Are you dead yet?

Are you dead yet?

if thats not a christmas carol, im listening to the wrong music on christmas.

Subject: Re: POST YOOR FUCKED UP CHRISTMAS CAROLS HEER Sat Dec 05, 2009 10:04 pm

K I HAVE REVIVED THIS THREAD BECAUSE IT IS CHRIMBO TIME AGAIN.
HOPEFULLY THIS THREAD IS MORE SUCCESSFUL THIS YEAR. FUCK YEAH SEAKING

Subject: Re: POST YOOR FUCKED UP CHRISTMAS CAROLS HEER Sun Dec 06, 2009 12:14 am

"Vixon has AIDS"
... D:!

Subject: Re: POST YOOR FUCKED UP CHRISTMAS CAROLS HEER Sun Dec 06, 2009 3:41 am

Mayhem wrote:: "Vixon has AIDS"
... D:!

Quote :: "Vixon has AIDS"

Quote :: "Vixon has AI

Quote :: "Vixon h

Quote :: "Vixon

Quote :: "Vixon

nothing to worry about

Subject: Re: POST YOOR FUCKED UP CHRISTMAS CAROLS HEER Sun Dec 06, 2009 7:22 pm

Mayhem wrote:: "Vixon has AIDS"
... D:!

Damnit Chris. HEE HEE.

-Hides-

Subject: Re: POST YOOR FUCKED UP CHRISTMAS CAROLS HEER Mon Dec 07, 2009 12:16 am

Bertrand Baguette wrote:

Mayhem wrote:: "Vixon has AIDS"
... D:!

Damnit Chris. HEE HEE.

-Hides-

what

i'm clean

Subject: Re: POST YOOR FUCKED UP CHRISTMAS CAROLS HEER Mon Dec 07, 2009 4:57 am

頭文字D wrote:

Bertrand Baguette wrote:

Mayhem wrote:: "Vixon has AIDS"
... D:!

Damnit Chris. HEE HEE.

-Hides-

what

i'm clean

O I C.
Must've been Hoods then. HEE HEE.

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