YOU KNOW YOU'RE FROM TEXAS WHEN...

Guest

You no longer
associate bridges with water.
You can say 110
degrees without fainting.
You eat hot chilies
to cool your mouth off.
You can make instant
sun tea.
You learn that a seat
belt makes a pretty good branding iron.
The temperature drops
below 95 and you feel a bit chilly. <--- DEFINITELY.
You discover that in
July it takes only two fingers to drive your car.
You discover that you
can get a sunburn through your car window. <--- TOO TRUE.
You know the best
parking place is determined by shade instead of distance. <--- HELL YES.
Hot water comes out
of both taps.
You actually burn
your hand opening the car door. <--- I HATE THAT.
No one would dream of
putting vinyl upholstery in a car or not having air conditioning.
You break a sweat the
instant you step outside at 7:30 a.m. before work.
You realize asphalt
has a liquid state.
It's so hot the birds
have to use pot holders to pull worms out of the ground.
It's so hot that
potatoes cook underground and all you have to do for lunch is to
pull one out and add butter with trimmings. <--- YEP.
It's so hot farmers
are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying hard
boiled eggs. <--- -has seen somebody do that-
You only know five
spices: salt, pepper, Ranch dressing, BBQ sauce and ketchup. <--- THAT'S ALL I KNOW.
You design your
Halloween costume to fit over Wranglers and cowboy boots.
The mosquitoes have
landing lights.
You have more miles
on your tractor than your car. <--- MHM.
You have 10 favorite
recipes for deer meat.
You've taken your
kids trick-or-treating when it was 90 degrees outside. <--- MY MOTHER HAS DONE THAT.
You think sexy
lingerie is tube-socks and a flannel nightie with only 8 buttons.
You can write a check
at Dairy Queen for two Hunger Busters and fries. <--- DAIRY QUEEN IS THE SHIT.
You attend a formal
event in your best clothes, your finest jewelry and your cowboy
boots.
People grumble about
Noah letting coyotes on the ark. <--- lulz.
The preacher says,
"I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering." and
five guys stand up. <--- -has seen that before-
A member of the
church requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive truck because
"It ain't never been in a hole it couldn't get out of."
When it rains,
everyone is smiling. <--- THAT'S ME.
The choir group is
known as the "OK Chorale."
The Pastor wears
boots. <--- -has seen that too-
Four generations of
the same family sit together in worship.
There is no such
thing as a "secret" sin.
Baptism is referred
to as "branding."
Finding and returning
lost sheep isn't just a parable.
High notes on the
organ can set the dogs to howling.
People wonder, when
Jesus fed 5,000, whether the two fish were bass or catfish. <--- xDDDDDDD
The final words of
the benediction are, "Ya'll come back now, ya hear?" <--- NO U
It's a common
misconception that everythong is twice as big in Texas, really,
everythiing is 1.965 times bigger, but we round up. <--- YES. YOU WANT MEN FROM TEXAS, FERSHER.
It's a common
misconception that the women have big hair. In fact this was
outlawed in July 1977. There is a task force and they are doing
their best to reach every last woman. Bear with us.
It's a common
misconception that JR Ewing still lives here. That was a TV show
people! Come on! THE EPIC WINNER WHO'S NAME IS THE EPIC WINNER WHO'S NAME IS CHUCK NORRIS, on the other hand, is a real, karate-choppin'
Texas Ranger.
It's a common
misconception that we have killer bees, fire ants, gigantic roaches
and mosquitoes and other awful insects, tornadoes, hurricanes, and
damaging hailstorms. We tend to think of them as a few bitty bugs
and a bad hair day. <--- RIGHT ON.
It's a common
misconception that everyone speaks with a Texas accent. Y'all just
don't know what y'all are talkin' about. <--- -does not speak that that- YOU OTHER STATERS NEED TO STOP STEREOTYPING.

Subject: Re: YOU KNOW YOU'RE FROM TEXAS WHEN... Sun Nov 30, 2008 6:47 pm

LULZ...xD